My porridge is just right, so she ate it

I am feeling like the little girl in the bear house. This morning I am eating breakfast with two smelly boys, who are burping and making underarm farting noises, one of them is eight the other almost fifty I can not tell them apart...

The upside is oatmeal. Not the kind you pour out of a paper envelope and add hot water to but real oatmeal the kind someones grandmother use to make. It doesn't take much longer to make and you will be surprised how yummy it can be.

The grocery list is small...

Oatmeal, the kind in the cylindrical paper box. You can get the one with Barbara Bush on it or the off brand it really doesn't matter. I would stay away from steel-cut, that is advanced oatmeal making.

Brown Sugar, keep this in your pantry it is a staple for good eating. I store mine in a giant canning jar, I like the way it looks and it stays nice and moist.

Nutmeg, just get a small container of the cheap stuff if you are not a big fan. If you love nutmeg go to Trader Joe's and get whole nutmeg and grate it as you go. This is a spice I love but do not use often so I spend the three bucks on the small shaker in the spice isle at the grocery.

Pecans, this is the queen of nuts for me. I am allergic to walnuts so I use pecans as a substitute. I must have been born in the south in a different life because I love pecans with a passion. You can put them in cookies, muffins, salads, and rice dishes. For oatmeal I buy candied pecans, Emerald sells them in a huge green bag or a plastic tube at the grocery store they are called glazed pecans they are kettle cooked. I am sure they will shorten your life by ten years but it is worth it. Trader Joe's also sells a good size bag of chopped pecans for a really good price.

Vanilla, is another favorite of mine. I once read an Isabelle Allende novel where the woman in the story uses vanilla behind her ears as perfume. I tried it and it is tres sexy. If you are single it will bring the boys like bee's to honey, you will smell like a big sugar cookie and who can resist a sugar cookie? Please, please don't buy imitation vanilla, would you buy imitation socks or imitation toilet paper? Only the real thing will do, anything else is just messy and silly.

Raisins, are optional and it is OK with me if you don't like them, some people just don't.

Bananas, are a plus in oatmeal but not totally necessary if you do not like them, if you do then you are my new best friend. This is a good time to use the squishy-turning-spotty ones.

Milk or cream or soy, your choice. Soy is OK if you can't have milk but what a drag. Milk is OK if you afraid of cream, and good old half and half or heavy whipping cream is for those of us who know how to live.

To make Oatmeal you simply boil some water. You can use the chart on the box if you need to measure. I add brown sugar, vanilla, spices (if you are using glazed pecans leave out the spices) and a pinch of salt to the water. When it starts to get good and hot I add the oats and some chopped bananas. You simply stir, bring to a boil for a few minutes then turn it down low and cover. I think it is done in five minutes because I like my oats that way. I tend to be a little indulgent and sometimes boil half water and half milk to make the oats a little bit creamier.

Now it is time to find a nice big bowl. Fill your bowl half way with oats, top with pecans and raisins (if you like raisins) a little more brown sugar if you like it very sweet, and the heavy cream.

Sit back and prepare to be blissed.

You might want to go for a walk or call your cardiologist after this or you might want to sit in the sun and read the Sunday paper like I am going to do.

Fart sounds, burping, and potty talk magically disappears when I am in oatmeal land.

Food is love.